Jasper's Pain
by Jaspergirl1123
Summary: jasper slips up for the first tims since Bella is living with the family. when Jasper gets depressed because Bella has better controll then he does its up to Bella to help him realize how special he realy is. normral parings
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys. This story is about the first time Jasper slips up while Bella is a vampire. Remember Emmett and Jaspers bet from Eclipse and Jasper freaking out during Breaking Dawn when Bella has so much control. Will this slip be moor detrimental to his self esteem than the others?? Read and find out, please review, I love reviews. _

**************Alice pov

"Edward," I asked "will you tell Esme and Carlisle for me? I'm going to try and find him." Edward nodded and stared at me for a second before asking "is he going to be ok?" I shook my head "I'm not sure but I think its going to take a while for him to get over it." Edward sighed, "well I'll go tell them that it's moving day." he was faking being sad but underneath his concern for Jasper's well being he was excited to be moving. I turned and hurried into the woods. I was running as fast as I could, hardly paying attention to where I was running. I was too busy looking into the future trying to find Jasper. I knew that he was going to have a major break and I could see what the consequences would be if I wasn't there when it happened. I was getting closer and I began to look for him with my eyes instead of my brain. A few seconds later I saw a few tufts of blond hair sticking up from behind a bolder.

"Jasper?" I said quietly he didn't move and I came closer. I kneeled down in front of him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Jazz?" I whispered, he refused to look at me. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and put his head on his knees. "Jasper please, look at me." he shook his head slightly, "I love you." I reminded him. At this he finally looked up at me. "how Alice? How do you love me? I'm a monster, I don't deserve your love." I frowned, we went through this every time he slipped up. I would have thought that he'd have learned by now but for some unknown reason he still thought that I would leave him. "your wrong." I told him honestly. "I love you moor than words can describe. Nothing you could do would ever change that." finally he looked at me "really?" he asked. I nodded "really." I moved so that I was sitting next to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Jasper relaxed into my embrace and I heard an almost silent sob escape his lips. "I killed them Alice, I killed them with out even thinking twice about it." he began to shake, "how dose Bella do it? She's still a newborn by our standards and she has moor control then I do. I can't take this, I'm a horrible person and for some reason you still love me. I have no idea why, I'm not anything you could ever want. I," "Jasper!" I interrupted "when you love someone you love them for the good things and for the bad ones too. As for Bella, well I have no clue how she dose it, but I bet it will make her laugh if you ask her." I laughed quietly her face would be priceless, to my immense relief Jasper laughed with me. I laid back on the grass, I tugged gently on Jaspers shirt and he laid his head down on my stomach. I wound my fingers through his blond curls and he sighed in contentment. I knew that his fears hadn't completely disappeared but, for the moment they weren't important. "feeling better?" I asked. I was afraid to end the moment but I wanted to keep him talking. I couldn't feel his emotions and I didn't want him to slip back into his depressed self loathing. "a little." he paused to take a few unnecessary deep breaths before continuing. "thank you Alice." he said quietly "you always know what to say to make me feel better." I smiled and tapped my forehead jokingly, "well the little voices help me out a little bit too." I teased lightly. Jasper smiled and I pulled him closer to me. Despite his lifting mood I could still feel the waves of depression rolling of him. When he was this emotional he didn't have enough control to keep me from feeling what he was feeling. At this moment his mood was slipping down into depression, I knew that Jasper would deal with this in his own way. If that meant that he had to sit out here all night then I would stay with him. Hours passed and we laid in the same position, not talking or moving, just laying in each others arms. Suddenly Jasper sat up. "I think im ready to go home." he told me. I smiled, I had figured that it would take him a lot longer before he even thought about going home. Jasper was on his feet in a flash and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me gently to my feet. I looked up at him and he avoided my gaze, no way was I going to let him start that shit again. I'd seem him with red eyes before and I hadn't run away screaming, but for some reason Jasper seemed determined to not let me look at him. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look into my eyes. "Jasper, your eyes don't scare me, I'm only scared when you refuse to look at me." he smiled a little and pulled me against him in a tight hug. "I don't deserve you Alice." he whispered, "I love you so much, you don't know how much this means to me. That your willing to spend hours on the ground just to make sure I'm ok." I smiled "I'd do it again Jazz." I told him truthfully. With that we began running back towards the house.

**************Bella pov

"lets move to Vermont!" Rosalie suggested. "we haven't lived there in a while and its almost as rainy as here. Plus I like it there, we never did get to learn how to ski." it was just like Rosalie to think about wanting to learn how to ski, when her brother was out in the rainy forest blaming himself for all of the worlds problems. "that sounds Good." Carlisle mused, dose everyone agree? We all nodded, "we can ask Alice and Jasper when they get back." Esme said smiling. "Momma, do you know how to ski?" Renesmee asked I shook my head "nope but I would like to learn." she smiled at me from on top of one of the boxes that Esme had stacked by the door. Jake was standing behind her with his arms out stretched in case she fell. I grinned at him and mouthed 'she fine', he rolled his eyes and went back to helping us pack. I felt guilty for having fun at Jaspers' expense, but I had never been part of a big move before, and I was really excited. "this bag of trash needs to go out." Emmett said tossing a big trash bag into the middle of the room and smirking at me, "youngest takes the trash out." I smiled evilly at him and slung the bag over my shoulder. I kicked the back door open gently and walked at a human pace down the stairs. "hey Bella, you look like Santa!" Embry teased me from the edge of the woods. His gaze shifted to the window, "Jake in there?" I nodded. "yup he's with Renesmee. Did you really have to ask?" he laughed and bounded up the stairs and into the house. I could here Rosalie hiss slightly when Embry suddenly appeared without warning. "I thought Bella was supposed to kick the dog _out, _not in." Embry and Jake laughed and I rolled my eyes. Rosalie only pretended to hate the wolves, I knew that she sometimes sat with Jake as he and Renesmee played. I flung the bag into the trash can and just stood there and stared out into the dark woods. Something moved in the shadows and my eyes flashed back to it. "Alice, Jasper!" I gasped. I stepped off the back driveway and hurried into the woods to meet them. "hi Bella." Alice said smiling up at me. I glanced past her at Jasper. "hay Jasper, I'm glad you came back." I told him. "thanks Bella," he murmured quietly. I turned and bounded back up the stairs. "guys!" I whispered "there back." all heads turned towards me. I could here Alice and Jasper coming slowly up the stairs. I was next to Edward in seconds and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Jasper, Alice!" everyone gasped when they walked in the door.

*******************Jasper pov

When everyone turned and gasped our names I realized that coming home so soon was a mistake. Everyone was staring at me, well more accurately my eyes. My eyes now burned bright red. There was no way that you could miss them, even if you tried. Alice's grip tightened on my hand but I pulled free easily, their emotions were killing me. Carlisle and Esme were looking at me sympathetically, Emmett was smiling at something rose had just whispered to him, and Renesmee was confused. Only Edward and Alice seemed to understand fully. Bella's gaze caught my eye, and when our eyes met she gave me an encouraging smile. I pulled away from Alice "I cant do this." I muttered. "I'm sorry guys I just cant." I turned and ran as fast as I could back into the forest. Only when I was miles away did I stop. I sank to the ground and pulled my knees up to my chest. Alice was wrong, I was weak. If I was as strong as she thought I was then I would be able to take the looks my family had been giving me. God! I was a monster, and the scars that decorated my body were visible proof to that fact. There was no way that anyone could love me, I let my head fall back against the tree with a loud crash. My breathing hitched and I was finally alone, free to go to pieces privately.

********************Bella pov

When Jasper ran from the room Alice had turned to follow him but I asked if it would be all right if I went and talked to him. My reason was because sometimes people are more open with non family members. But in reality I just wanted to make sure he was ok. I felt guilty because I knew that while I was a newborn, I had better control then he did and I think that made it that much harder for him to face the family.

I followed Jaspers scent for a few miles before I found him. He was sitting facing me, but his head was in his knees and he was crying softly. I watched him quietly for a few minutes before I stepped out from behind the bushes and slowly approached him. "Jasper?" I asked, and even though my voice was quiet he still jumped.

*******************Jasper pov

Even though I heard the approach, I hadn't figured out that the person was Bella until she called my name. I jumped out of my skin, I had been expecting Alice. "Bella?" I asked confused. I couldn't figure out why Edward would let her near me, or for that matter, why she would want to be close to me in the first place. "the one and only!" she said laughing. Then she immediately became serious, "Jasper are you ok?" I opened my mouth to tell her that I was fine, that she shouldn't spend her time worrying about me. "Jasper I know that your going to lie to me and I warn you that if you lie there will be consequences, serious ones." she was frowning angrily so I decided that telling her the truth, no matter how she responded, would be better. I took a deep breath "not really." I told her "I'm a monster, I killed that person without thinking twice about it. Sometime I think that I deserve to die."

_Please read and review. The next chapter will be up in a couple days. I promise!_


	2. Chapter 2

*************Bella pov

It was like getting slapped in the face. Hearing him say that he thought he deserved to die. I shook my head.

"Jasper, you don't deserve to die. I cant believe you would think that."

He frowned, obviously disagreeing with me.

"everybody hates having to move all the time on my account. Rosalie especially. They deserve to live in one place for awhile, not having to wonder if I'm going to screw it up."

He though that we were mad at him for making an honest mistake? That was plain stupid, in the back of my mind Edwards words echoed in my mind: _he's tired of being the weakest link. _then I had begun babbling about throwing in a few extra homicides if it would make Jasper happy.

"Jasper, don't you dare say that!" I snapped, "it could have happened to anyone, and if Rosalie has a problem with moving someone should remind her of all the times that they had to move on Emmett's account. I'm sure she didn't complain then."

Jasper just looked at me for a few seconds before smiling,

"you sound a lot older then you really are."

I sighed, puffing my cheeks out " my mom said that I was born an adult and that I get more middle aged every day."

I let out the internal breath I had been holding when Jasper laughed. It looked like all the self hatred was gone, for now at least. There was a faint rustling in the bushes to my left and Alice stepped into the clearing.

"sorry." she said with a grin, "I saw that you were almost done so I came and found you."

She danced across the open field and sat down next to Jasper. He shifted slightly so that her head could rest on his shoulder.

"thank you Bella," he said "you really didn't have to do this."

I shook my head

"yes I did, because your not only my brother you're my friend, and a friend is a person who dances with you in the sunshine and walks with you in the shade."

Alice tilted her head back and smiled up at Jasper,

"you ready to go home now?"

He nodded and her face lit up like a little kids on Christmas morning. We all got to our feet and began to walk towards the house.

_Hahaahhahhah! I finally finished something I started. Admittedly it was very short but still, never the less I finished. The underlined quote that inspired this two shot is anonymous but I got it off the wall of my world history teachers room. So thank you Mr. Skinner for the inspiration. Please let me know what you all think._


End file.
